Малко вицове за разнообразие…

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В аптеката:
-Едни успокоителни, моля!
-На капки или на хапчета?
-Не ме вбесявайте, госпожо…

„В българско спешно отделение внесли носилка с пострадал.
-Прехвърляме го на сто! Едно, две, три, четири, пет,… , 98, 99, 100!
-„Пиууууу…“
-Нeма пулс!
-Дефибрилации!
-Нeма дефибрилатор.
-Час на смъртта?!
-Нeма часовник…
-А ония те таме на стената?
-Нема батерии.
-Немате ли телефоне?!
-Немаме желание да ги цапаме с кръвища!
-Я… иам… телефон… – изпъшкал пострадалият.
-Има пулс!
-Не е верно. Нема пулс! Продължавам да чувам „пиууууу“?!
-Оно нема кардиограф, откъде го чуеш?
-Немаше лекарство за кръвно у аптеката – пищат ми ушите…
-Нема ми… нищо… Омразе! – пропъшкал пострадалият, фанал са за главата и избегал.
-Час на изписванье?
-Баце, нема формуляр…“

„Влиза един пич в аптеката и казва на аптекарката:
-Две опаковки Виагра.
-Но господине, едно хапче е достатъчно…
-Вижте какво, имам среща с две рускини и една полякиня, така че, дайте ми две опаковки.
Тя му дала две опаковки. На сутринта като отива на работа го гледа да подскача нервен пред аптеката.
-Бързо – казал пича – дай един крем за ръце, че ония не дойдоха…“

„Бележка от мама – забавна класика във възпитателния жанр:

Скъпо дете,
Ако четеш тази бележка, значи вече нямаш интернет. Не се опитвай да звъниш на доставчика или да се ровиш в настройките на браузъра.
Това, което трябва да направиш, е следното:

  1. Отиди в аптеката на ъгъла и купи лекарствата на дядо ти – рецептите са в антрето, на шкафчето под огледалото. После отиди до супермаркета и вземи две кутии мляко, нарязан хляб и пакет чай. От плод-зеленчука купи 2 кг картофи, половин килограм лук и една зелка. Пази всички касови бележки.
  2. Не нося със себе си мобилния си телефон, така че звънни на баща си на работа и му предай, че снимките няма да са готови за днес. Кажи му също, че го моля на връщане да вземе дрехите от химическо чистене. На десктопа в горния десен ъгъл има една иконка с телефонна слушалка – включи тази програма преди да се обадиш на баща си и запиши отговора му във файл с разширение *.wav.
  3. Напиши си домашното по математика – страници 116, 118 и 121 от учебника. Имай предвид, че на третата задача трябва да съставиш уравнение, а не да се опитваш да нагласяш отговора (освен това е грешен). На останалите задачи не са дадени отговорите.
  4. Оправи си стаята. Докато прибираш играчките си по местата им, преброй частите на конструктора в пластмасовата кутия, също и дисковете с компютърните ти игри и количките. След това отвори браузъра и в адресната лента след http:// въведи получените числа, разделени с точки.
    Ще се отвори страницата за управление на акаунтите на домашната ни мрежа. За да получиш достъп в режим редактиране, въведи в прозорчето за „парола“ отговорите на втора, трета и първа задача от учебника. В лявата колонка ще видиш нашия IP адрес – въведи внимателно в съседното прозорче (където е посочено: начин на разплащане – с кредитна карта) двете последни цифри от всяка касова бележка: общо за зеленчуците, за чая, за млякото + хляба, и за лекарствата. Останалото пространство запълни с нули и после натисни „ОК“.
  5. Сега вече отново имаш интернет. Ако случайно се обади някой гневен чичко, който твърди, че е системен администратор, и започне да те ругае, пусни му записа с отговора на баща ти.
  6. Надявам се, че всичко ще ти се получи както трябва. А аз като си дойда довечера, ще ти разкажа за една малка хакерка, която начело на своята група някога разбила сървърите на Майкрософт.

Целувам те!
Мама“

„Сестра, пак записвате кулинарни рецепти върху рецептурни бланки. Вчера на пациента в аптеката му направили супа топчета…“

„Вчера влизам в една книжарница:
-Добър ден, имате ли „Тютюн?“
-Тук не продаваме цигари, ей там отсреща има павилионче.
Чудя се, ако бях попитал и за „Алхимикът“, дали щеше да ми покаже и къде е аптеката?“

Това бяха едни от малкото, които ми допаднаха от:

http://m.vicove.biz

Надявам се да са ви усмихнали – ще споделя още. До тогава не забравяйте да се смеете – смехът е здраве 🙂

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52 thoughts on “Малко вицове за разнообразие…

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      Thank you for the appreciation. 🙂

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      Share my website with people that you think it will be helpful for.

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      Live well and prosper 🙂

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      Thank you for the appreciation. 🙂

      I would be pleased to see you again reading and commenting my articles.

      Share my website with people that you think it will be helpful for.

      Feel free to start a discussion in the comments box and subscribe if you want 😉

      Live well and prosper 🙂

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    1. Munchmelou says:

      Thank you for the appreciation. 🙂

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      Live well and prosper 🙂

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